Our Daily Walk

Pride and Shame

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 00:30:16 -0700

There is something wrong with me. I have the wrong responses.

There are times when I am on point. I work hard, serve my coworkers/neighbors/family well, accomplish some task. Then, when it is pointed out and I am thanked or receive some kind of adulation, I feel very good about myself. I long for those words and looks. I feel justified.

Furthermore, there are times when I fall flat. I don’t listen or pay attention to some detail, I am loud and boisterous, I am ignorant of boundaries, I am lazy and selfish. Sometimes these actions and behaviors are pointed out (usually by my wife) and sometimes I may be the only one to reproach myself. I feel shame at living below par.

Now here is what I think. Both responses are all about me. When I am seeking justification through others praise, I am saying that I am god. My fulfilment is found in something I can produce by my good self not in what Jesus accomplished on the cross. I absorb all the glory and end up boasting in Adam (Galatians 1:10 (ESV) 10For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant[a] of Christ.). Pride has clapped my in chains. Then, on the flip side, when I am wallowing in my shame and beating myself up I am not believing in the atonement that was made on my behalf by Jesus (1 Timothy 1:15 (ESV) 15The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.) My shame handicaps me.

I was born a sinner. I have a tendency to be a hedonist. I seek to please myself and love when I am the focus of people’s praise. But I am utterly incapable of living righteously and with no help, my transgressions pile up. Jesus left heaven and became a man born of a woman. He lived a perfect life that I could not live and gave himself up to death on a cross to pay the penalty of the sins of me and my fellow man. He was buried and three days later rose to life, conquering death. He went back to heaven, giving the gift of the Holy Spirit to those who repent of their sin and follow him. Sin is not my master. Shame and Pride are demons that want me to serve Satan. I run to the cross. There is my boasting and there is my forgiveness. I rest in “it is finished (John 19:13)”

May God be recognized and glorified in good and bad, in sickness and in health, in abundance and in poverty. To God be the glory, Amen.

Abba

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 00:19:08 -0700

One of the great joys of my life lately is being a father. My daughter and I love each other so much. After a days work, I come home and we are so excited to see each other. She trusts me and when I hold her she feels safe and secure. I don’t know how kids know, but when someone else holds her, she knows if it’s not her parents. Her best smiles and giggles are for her daddy. She has my heart and from what I’ve seen, I have hers.

Tonight my heart was just breaking because I don’t love God enough. I was thinking on Romans 7 where Paul says:

“24Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.”

My heart breaks for my sin and the sin of my nation. Wickedness happens all around me while God is not acknowledged. We forget to gaze upon God. We have lost our first love. And it was as I was grieving this that I realized that I need to see God how my daughter sees me. My heart needs to burn for my papa.

If you have children, meditate on this. Learn from the way they love and trust you. Intensify the way you love them. If you don’t have children, observe a baby with their mom or dad.

God won’t relent til he has all of you. You are made to be his son or daughter. I pray you would feel his Fatherly love.

A BROKEN AND CONTRITE HEART

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 00:04:34 -0800

Have you ever read the story of King Josiah? He is known as the Reformer. His story is prophesied in 1 Kings 13:2 and unfolds in 2 Kings 21-23 and 2 Chronicles 33-35.

He was not born into a godly legacy. His father and grandfather before him were kings of Judah, but they had done evil in God’s eyes. It was the kings’ responsibility to lead the people of God, but they had been leading the people in worship of false God’s. They had set up idols and alters even in the Temple of God. They had built living quarters for male prostitutes in the Temple of God. This is the legacy that Josiah was born into. This is the example he was shown, and no one expected anything more of him. Except God. We are all accountable to God and will all give an account for our lives.

Josiah became king when he was 8 and he did good in the eyes of the Lord. He reformed the country of Israel and turned back to the Lord. He feared God, hated sin, and loved righteousness. He found the book of the Law and read it to the nation, making a vow that he would serve the Lord and leading the nation in prayers for repentance. Josiah, led by the Lord, tore down all the shrines and alters. He burned all the unholy sites with their relics and scattered the ashes. He fixed up the temple and once again made it a place of worship to the only God of Israel.

Josiah broke the pattern of godlessness and started a new legacy. But where did he learn it?

Each of us is responsible for our actions and for what we do with our lives. We will all give an account. And the thing I love is that, with God there is forgiveness (Psalm 130). Josiah’s life was a miracle. An 8 year old with a soft heart towards the Lord. A boy without a father grows into a strong man with holy desires. A legacy of sin and bondage turned into a legacy of repentance. Bad leadership turned into a showcase of wisdom and discernment. Josiah turned away God’s wrath, if only for a time.

How will I respond to God’s law? How will I steward that truth? How will I use my leadership? What legacy will I leave?

Marriage & Gospel Fluency.

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 19:58:00 -0800

When my wife and I were doing premarital with our pastor, he told us that we would have to work extra hard to make significant positive change in our marriage. We both were pretty solid and did not have any big red flags. We weren’t sexually active, both had personal relationships with Jesus, our parents were married, etc. He gave an example of a 1-10 scale. He said some people that he marries are like a 6 on the scale. For them, changing their communication or some personal quick can be the difference to move them from a 6 to an 8. He said for us, we were at a 9. That sounds good but it also meant that in order for us to move up the scale we would have to be very diligent and work very hard to move from a 9 to a 9.1.

I didn’t get prideful when we were done with that session. We got married and marriage has been good. We have grown in all of our good areas (personal relationship with God, servant hearts for each other, communication) and we don’t get in fights. Marriage has refined me greatly and made me a better man. The fruits of our marriage (kids) has done another step to show me God’s heart and make me more like him.

But, it was this last month that I was given from a God a big revelation about me. I have been making an effort to learn the language of the gospel. I want to be able to understand it and be able to speak it fluently. The way I have been starting to practice this is to, in my mind, work through my day and when I come to a problem I had, I ask myself why i felt that way until I get to the root of the feeling. Then i ask myself how that feeling is not in line with the gospel. That helps me identify my unbelief. Then, after I have identified my unbelief, I speak the true gospel to myself and apply it. In these ways I am able to repent of sin and make much of my savior.

Well, I was doing this the other morning. I had come home after working 12 hours and gotten to bed late. My kids woke me up real early. They had a lot of energy. I went upstairs but I just wanted to sit in the living room cozy and quiet. I was getting irritated because the kids were so loud and wouldn’t leave me alone. I started to go through the gospel fluency in my head. The results were amazing. I realized that I have a sin cycle. My sin cycle is to fall back and not believe that in Christ alone is my salvation secure. I tend to resort to things being about me. I really think sometimes that “I deserve this…(could be:rest, play, toys, food, sex, resources, attention, etc.) because…(I work hard, I am good, I share, I serve, I provide, etc,)” The failure to believe the gospel is thinking that I deserve anything other than eternity in hell. I have lived contrary to God’s holy will for 30 years. There are whole days when I am sure I fail to even think about pleasing him. And in my sin, I take his place as God of Adam. I live to please myself because myself deserves it. That blessed revelation allowed me to repent. The truth of the gospel is that I deserve death and hell for my sin. But God, in his love, sent his Son for sinful people. Jesus came of his own obedience to Father and took our sin’s punishment and died in our stead. He conquered sin and death by rising from the dead and bodily went to heaven, leaving believers the Holy Spirit to guide us in truth (Jesus is truth). Jesus is the only means of salvation. I have been redeemed by Jesus’ perfect life and sacrificial death. And though I have a sin cycle that I am fighting, my identity is not derived from my sin cycle. Jesus was good enough and worked hard enough and perfectly provided so I don’t have to. That, for me, is the truth of the Gospel. On my own, I will fall short and fail myself, my wife, and my kids. I need to become fluent in this gospel so I can identify unbelief on my part and in my family and then in turn lead to repentance and speak/apply the truth of the gospel.

Our pastor was right. It has takes diligence and hard work to make marriage better. We have an adversary that does not rest and that is desirous to see my marriage and parenting fail. But God is for us. I pray that my testimony would bless you and that you would take some time to practice gospel fluency. I pray also that you would daily find identity is what Jesus has done, not in whatever your own sin cycle would try to stain you with.